SAS Driving School

Drive Hard in an 80s/90s Hero than buy one

Just so you know, I was taught to drive a car by the SAS. I wasn’t operating undercover or doing anything remotely important, it was just another job with some writing attached. This happened a decade or so ago and the abiding memory is that the vehicles involved were all rather worn out ‘80s and ‘90s heroes, both front and rear wheel drive. Obviously the rear wheel ones were more exciting, but before we get into all that, lets pass on a few tips that might just help you in the real world. A world that has become rather more dangerous in the last few years. The ability to get out of a tight spot will certainly come in handy, so here is what the gentlemen taught me...

Working as a journalist isn’t exactly life threatening, apart that is from the odd paper cut, or occasional coffee spill. However if I was required to investigate the used car market in Baghdad or drive a brand new Lexus in downtown Mogadishu, then we’d need help. That’s why we signed up to a very unique driving school on a former airforce base. One that’s run by ex-special forces who when they are carrying out close protection work here and abroad, teach idiots like me how to drive and survive.

TO AVOID HAVING A

CRASH, COLOUR CODE

YOUR AWARENESS

first stop is the classroom and the ex special forces trainer ‘Mike’ introduces me to the concept of instinctive driving. In less than an hour he explains all about braking, steering and tyres and exactly what the whole car is up to by understanding the vehicle language. I
was confronted with what causes accidents. Essentially poor driving techniques, fatigue, anger, inattention, distractions, prescription medication and excessive speed are the issues. More importantly I was told how to avoid having a crash in the first place by colour coding my awareness. “The problem is that people go from code white, completely unaware to code black which is being in complete shock,” said ‘Mike’. Ideally I should be driving along in the yellow zone, which is an awareness of my surroundings, then moving to orange as I identify any potential problems. When I saw red then I would actually be responding. And it was now time to respond out on the airfield.

MY NEW BEST FRIEND IS A VAUXHALL OMEGA

It was raining, well actually it was a mid-summer monsoon. I reckoned it was far too slippery to be taught about car control, but according to Mike the conditions were pretty much perfect. At least I got to wear a cool helmet. Instead of an anonymous white skid lid that you may get at a track day this was a black Kevlar army helmet. That helped my confidence levels although the safety brief brought home the fact that I needed to listen very closely to the instructor. My next best friend that day was going to be one of a fleet of Vauxhall Omegas they had. Police car white they had a large 2.6 litre engine with an automatic gearbox and were incredibly quick.

Mike and another instructor Rob set up a series of obstacles around the runway. So the worst damage I could was to kill a cone and if I skidded off there was nothing to hit. First though I was expected to accelerate up to 70 mph and then slam on the brakes ideally to finish parallel between two cones. The first go leaves me several miles away from the cones. Mike convinces me that I can brake an awful lot later and he’s right. This is also proof that ABS is the greatest single technological innovation in the last few decades. So later on I rely on the brakes that refuse to lock up and finish pretty much where I’m told.

FIXATE ON A CONE AND YOU WILL HIT THAT CONE

Now it is Mike’s job to convince me that I can take a corner faster than seems truly sensible. It’s sopping wet too and I’m convinced that at 50mph I’m going to fall off the runway in spectacular fashion, but I don’t. Mike has got me listening to what the car is doing, so I can hear when the Omega’s tyres start growling at me as they struggle to maintain traction. Then it’s onto tight chicanes of cones, which involves driving at speed towards them and then slamming on the brakes and steering to a halt without hitting anything. Trouble is I can only brake when Mike tells me and I feel as though I’m right on top of the terrified cones. I am reminded about what I learnt in the classroom. What I have to look for is ‘drivable terrain’, so I’m looking for a way out and where I want to put the car. The fascinating thing is that if you fixate on a cone, or think, I’m going to hit that cone, then you will inevitably hit it. So I don’t think cone and I also employ the shuffle steering technique I’ve been taught. This involves keeping my arms low and out of the way of an activated air bag and feeding the steering wheel in short increments between my palms. So no big movements, crossed arms or panic reactions and it worked.

TO MAKE SURE I’D

LEARNED MY LESSONS

THERE WAS A ‘SURPRISE’

I was now required to put these disciplines together and link each one together as a circuit, so no complete stops. I had to drive as if I was being pursued at high speed. With each circuit I got faster and most importantly managed to avoid whacking any cones. Just to make sure that I had learnt my lessons Mike instituted what he called a surprise. The surprise was that I drove at 40 miles an hour towards a group of cones. Mike would then hold the wheel straight and cover my eyes with a book, only removing it when to me it seemed far to late. The cones represented pedestrians and I had to take evasive action and look for that all-important ‘drivable terrain.’

I’m pleased to say that I did this routine twice and only clipped one cone, which equates to a broken leg, rather than the mass murder if I had frozen. And that’s the vital thing to remember about ABS brakes is that it gives you control so that you can avoid impact.

A J-TURN IS ENJOYABLE AND HIGHLY ADDICTIVE

After all that serious stuff I was allowed to do the fun film stunt work which is equally serious if I ever found myself in a hostile situation. Now I switch from the Omega to a banger and onto their ‘tin city’ where the expired bangers are arranged into streets. Firstly I have to imagine that the road ahead is blocked. I haven’t got time to execute

a perfect three point turn, I have to slam my foot on the accelerator, put my arm around the passenger seat and then spin the wheel, lose traction as the front of the car swings round and I pull the gear lever from reverse to drive. This was a reverse, or J-turn and it’s brilliant and highly addictive.

Next up is punting another car off the road, known as a ‘surgical removal’. Now in films you see that usually one car whacks into the other but it isn’t like that. In my old VW Golf I simply sneak up to the rear nearside bumper, match the car’s speed and then turn in very gently and the ancient BMW spins in front of me and away to the side. I can then make my escape. The thing is I don’t want to escape, I want to learn more, but my time is up.

I have never felt more confident on the road and I would recommend that if you drive either here or abroad, you must get your company to send you on a course like this one. One day it could save your, or your loved ones lives.

If you fancied on getting some practice then what would be better than some old rotters to rag about in a safe place and do they still exist? Let’s find out and give them the definitive Slog Rating. As they seemed to be Vauxhalls, let’s search for some of those grubby old Griffins.

I must say that finding cheapy Senators is well and truly over. You might think that a £800 ex-cop one with 200K was still a reality, but I’m a deluded old fool. Just some ironic classic examples at £5k+ in the usual places. That’s why I found myself looking at a 1992 Opel Senator 24V in Germany, up for €3500 with 230,000 km on the clock. Not that cheap then or very cosmetically appealing. Black rat look with a sunroof, heated leather seats and a silver go faster stripe. Translating the advert was confusing as it suggested that it was registered in 2014, although the pictures suggested it might have been abandoned in Chernobyl for the last eleven years. That’s the least of my worries as the translation has left me with a phrase that I can only assume is rather racist. I’m not prepared to find out or go and have a closer look. Yes it’s the first ever zero Slog. Sorry.

Did a bit better closer to home by raising the budget to a quid less than classic money and finding an 88K mile 1992 Vauxhall Carlton 2.0i Diplomat Automatic saloon, at £4,995.00 from LRS Trade Cars. There is a story attached, belonging to a deceased friend and it seems to have a no-expense spared existence. Recent new battery new front discs and pads new exhaust and fuel tank. Being a Diplo its got alloys, CD, electric windows and central locking. Too good to be chucked around an airfield though, but this is still a 5 Slogger.

Cavaliers are also pretty thin on the forecourts these days but Gumtree did offer up this

1995 hatchback. I didn’t want a diesel, but this 146K 1.7D was affordably £1,400.00 and seemed in decent nick. 9 months MOT and very chuckable it’s a three Slog we could abuse with a clear conscience.

See you next time.

Please note that all images are copyright of the selling garage, no recommendation is made for any vehicle featured and ideally it is best to go and check for yourself.

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